A Jumbled Mess

For awhile now I have had many many thoughts but I just can't seem to sort them out enough to write them down.  In my minds eye I see them as a jumbled up mess of yarn with no end in sight to grab a hold of.  If I could just get a hold of the end....I could pull and unravel the mess....then fix the problem.  In my heart I know what it is....why I can't write....but I can't sort through it until I do write.  Does that make any sense at all??!!  Because....it somehow does make sense to me....so I am writing.  You may want to opt out of reading this now....if not....it  could be a different sort of ride.

It's taken me a while to get to this point but here it is....

I believe satan is in the middle of all of this.  Right in the middle of my mess of yarn....holding on to both ends.  I pull and dig....looking for the end....the solution....but he knows I have not been ready to turn it loose and give it to the Lord.  That's a revelation for me right there.  I didn't know it either until just now.  Writing....writing is good for me....I listen when I write.  Writing is like a therapy session for me....the Lords therapy. 

Another revelation....in the first paragraph I said....

If I could unravel the mess I could fix the problem.  There it is....I can't fix the problem....only God can!  I know these things....I know!!  In church this morning we heard about sin....confessing it....forgiveness....forgiving ourself.  The whole sermon just brought it all right back to the mess in my head.  I knew it then and I know it now....I just don't like it. 

Some of the sermon....

Psalms 51....David asks God for mercy...asks for forgiveness.  God will do that for us....we just need to be sincere and believe.  For some things I have a hard time believing it.  As the Pastor said....and as I know from experience....it is hard to forgive yourself for some things.  My thought....If you can't forgive yourself does God still forgive you?  I don't know and that scares me.  Pastor also said something that is so true that I would like to share with you....

All sin is the same in essence, but all sin is not the same in consequence. 

That is the best way I have heard sin described....it hit home to me.  I have heard it said so many times that....sin is sin.  True.  But for me sin is on a scale.  1 is the least offensive and 10 is setting off all the bells and whistles there are!!  They're all the same....essence....but some just have lasting effects you can't get away from....consequence! 

This afternoon I heard a song that was really good.  The only words I can remember are....

Jesus Your presence is Heaven to me.  To me that one line is so true.  If you can just get into the presence of the Lord....you will be okay!  Jesus will help you to work it out!!  I have truly been in....and felt....His presence within me before and it is the best thing ever!!  All the bad....the heartsick....the feelings you just can't explain to anyone....melt away! 

His presence....get into His presence.  Turn your eyes....your hearts eye....towards Him. 

The mess of yarn is about half as big now so.....

I will end this with a scripture that sits on my desk.

Matthew 11:28-29

²⁸ Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

"until we see Jesus....face to face"