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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

A Box End Wrench

Dementia...it's a hard fact.  When someone you love has it...well honestly...it just plainly sucks. 
For a long time I have known the day would come when he didn't know me any longer.  Yes...many times he says he does but really all he knows is my voice...not me. 

About two weeks ago it all started changing quickly.  We were talking and I asked..."Do you know who I am?"  "Yes...you're Chelle."  "But who am I to you?"  "I don't know."  Then before hanging up the phone, no matter how many times I said, "I love you"...he would not say it back.  First time ever....hard...

From the time I was very small he took me everywhere he went.  We worked on his logging truck when it broke down.  He would be under it and would ask me for a certain tool..."Hand me a 1/4inch box end wrench" he would say.  And I did.  I knew what everything in his toolboxes were.  I loved him so much...because he loved me so much...I wanted to know everything he knew and spend all the time I could with him.  We went to the parts stores...tire shops...picked up the logs at the landing in the woods...took them to the mills.  He also taught me how to fish...for bass mainly...and I loved it...and too hunt. 

These were the best times of my life.  When I wasn't in school I hung out with him as much as possible.  Hunting weekends...fishing weekends...time spent having donuts and coffee...lunch on a boat and coffee...lunch on a hillside and coffee...playing spades all night and coffee...watching tv all night and coffee.  Yes...this is where my love for coffee all started...with my Dad.  Yet now...he couldn't care less about coffee. 

So tonight I'm having a bit of a hard time wrapping my mind around it all.  Though you know the day is coming when your heart will want to fall out of your chest because he doesn't know you...you really don't know what it will be like.  Well...It's something you keep experiencing again and again. 

Oh...what I wouldn't give for a box end wrench...a donut...and a cup of coffee...

What I know for now is...

What is broken here on earth will one day be restored in heaven.  We all will be made whole...mind body and soul. For now...while we are still on this earth in our broken bodies...the best thing we can do is run to Jesus with all of this.  He alone can help us through the hard times of life.  Right now I can't even think of any scriptures to add...but the Lord knows my heart.

"until we see JESUS...face to face"







 


1 comment:

  1. Hi Chelle, thinking of you in this hard time.
    God bless
    Tracy

    ReplyDelete